Birthday Present
by sashik
Summary: Written for WIKTT Birthday Challange. Hermione has a present for Snapey old boy. Edited the 1st ch. and added the 2nd one. Rating in lower Rs upper PG-13s. Self-mocking.
1. of lolita and jelly bracelets

**Birthday Present**

Summary: Written for the WIKTT Birthday Challenge. Hermione has a birthday present for Snapey.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

* * *

This was the Golden Trio's last year at Hogwarts. It was Double Potions class, and Hermione was chattering away to Lavender, who was shocked at the conversation topics that seemed to happen between them.

Snape looked up from his desk and inquired:  
  
"Would you care to share what's so interesting enough to interrupt my class, Ms. Granger?"

"Well, Professor, I was picking out a present for Ronny over there… You see, it's his birthday soon, and I decided to give him arousing cologne… You know, there're quite popular these days, and I just wanted Lavender's opinion upon the smell of it. Would he like Passions of the Heart? Or do you think Sweltering Lust is more his type?"

Snape's eyes flickered, as he responded:

"Ms. Granger, 20 points from Gryffindor. And detention with me tonight."

-----------------------------------End Dream----------------------------------------

Severus Snape woke up in his chambers, with images from his dream still lingering in his brain. A strange dream he had indeed.

In his memory, he never knew Ms. Granger to date the youngest male offspring of the Weasleys. Nor did he ever remember giving her detention. Nor he ever had dreams of any of his previous classes… Especially with people being so out of character.

'Ah, screw that insufferable know-it-all', he thought as he prepared himself to go down to breakfast.

The magic mirror on the wall unexpected replied, "You've become so clichéd, dear…"

'Sad, now even mirrors can read my thoughts… I've become so predictable.'

* * *

As Severus was returning from lunch, he realized.

He was alone. On his birthday. How sad.

Oh well… he was used to it. Not like his birthday was celebrated during any time during his life.

Of course, he did get some presents. He got socks from Dumbledore (he was beginning to think the man had a fetish) and a nice Gryffindor colored card from McGonagall.

None of the students knew, thank goodness. He took great care of it, and even conquered his pride and asked Dumbledore and McGonagall not to tell anyone.

Well, he was lying there… and ex-student of his knew. Hermione ('how strange, all he had to do is dream about her, and she was suddenly back', mused Snape), visiting Ginny during the holidays (for of course, Snape was 'lucky' enough to be born on the day Christmas break started), saw McGonagall give him a card during breakfast and a subtle smile flashed across her lips and a plan started to form in her head.

* * *

It was evening, and Snape was getting ready to go to supper when he heard a quiet knock on his door. Mumbling incoherently, he opened the door, only to reveal grown-up Hermione Granger behind it.

"What the bloody hell do you want!?" seemed to be the only thing that escaped Snape's mouth.

"Well, that's not a nice way to greet an old student of yours, now is it? May I enter?" and without waiting for a reply, she entered his chambers and sat herself at one of the chairs by the fireplace.

"That's how I always greeted everyone; I don't see why you should be an exception. Now what do you want?"

She pouted and after a moment of silence noted, "I thought you were friendless for long enough."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you never seem to have any friends, and I thought, that with your brilliant mind, we might have something in common."

"You were always known for being modest, Ms. Granger." He noted sarcastically. "What's your point?"

"My point, _Severus_, is that maybe you were lonely for your birthday long enough. So I brought you a nice little present." She smiled sweetly as she offered him a package wrapped in green paper.

"I don't believe I gave you permission to call me by my first name, _Ms. Granger_" he noted as he reluctantly took the package.

"And I believe, since I am your student no longer, that I don't need your permission, _Severus_. And I would prefer that you call me Hermione. Now open it!"

Snape started slowly unwrapping the package, curious at the feeling of having someone offer a present to him, not being obligated to due to house relations or anything else.

It was a book. He turned it over to be able to read the title… it happened to be Lolita, by Nabokov. Snape raised his eyebrow at Hermione.

"And what is this? Are you implying something, Ms. Granger?"

"Call me Hermione, remember? And no, I'm not implying anything, just simply channeling my fantasies to you, _Professor_" she said as she looked him straight in the eye.

Snape, somewhat shocked by her comment, let it hang in the air.

"We should be going to supper now… Hermione."

She smiled at the mention of her first name, and offered her hand to him, for she needed help standing up.

He took it, somewhat reluctantly, and noticed strange plastic bracelets on her wrist.

"What is this, Ms. Granger? Seems oddly out of style for you to wear cheap… 'jewelry'."

"Oh… those are jelly bracelets, the latest fashion fad in the muggle world. Supposedly, if someone breaks one that you are wearing, you are supposed to perform sexual favours for them, depending on the color."

"Really? Hmm, I'm rather curious… What would happen if I've broken…. Hmm, _this_ one?"

"Well, why don't you try and see?"

"Umm… Well, I'm rather hesitant…. Hmm… Choices, choices…" he whispered, fingering her wrist. "Oh what the hell!" he decidedly ripped the black bracelet off her wrist.

Immediately, she pushed him to the floor, smothering his lips with hers, gently sliding her tongue across his lower lip.


	2. of DADA and popsicles

**Birthday Present II**

****

A/N: This was written at 4 AM as I was watching the first two Harry Potter movies (couldn't fall asleep) and eating a Popsicle. So you see, I was inspired . This is not dedicated to anyone, except maybe my mom who bought the popsicles.

* * *

Snape, shocked at Hermione's behavior – stunned, actually, at first couldn't even move, and couldn't think straight… Even began to enjoy it (he really was rather deprived after all) but no… His conscience took over and he pushed her off him.

"Ms. Granger, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

At that point, she started going at him again, so he rolled her over on her back and pinned her hands above her head.

She looked at him hungrily and whispered, "Oh please, call me Hermione."

A flash of anger shot through Snape's eyes, as he realized the strangeness of this situation. "Thou which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as –-- …Or rather replace 'rose' with _Ms. Granger_ and sweet with _insufferable know-it-all_, and we've got our situation here." He glared at her pointedly, standing up and bracing himself for any future lustful advances.

"Oh you **have** become rather clichéd, haven't you!" She stood up also, dusting off her robes and leaning towards his ear. "Whatever happened to 'bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses'?" She whispered and pulled back, placing her index finger on his nose and sliding it down towards his chest, looking straight in his eyes. "Though I must tell you. That speech was… filthy. But positively arousing." And with a satisfied smirk, she pushed him backwards with her finger and stormed out of his chambers. Supper was waiting.

(A/N: Do Gryffindors smirk?)

* * *

Supper at Hogwarts during Christmas time was rather… solitary and exclusive. Frankly speaking, the only people still there were Dumbledore (naturally), McGonagall, the rest of the staff, Ginny and a couple of Hufflepuffs. Like always, the divided tables were gone, and somewhat of a Round Table was established – which was rather Oval then Round, but that's alright. When Hermione showed up, everyone else was already there, eating away happily. Ginny looked at her usually prompt friend, but when she saw the rather unusual expression on her face, she decided it would be better not to ask. Hermione, in turn was surprised to see Snape follow her down to supper, and even sit across from her – close enough that she could touch him if she stood up. He glared at her both sarcastically and cynically and turned to his food.

"Well, now that we are all here, I have an announcement to make." Dumbledore's voice was clear and rose high above everyone else's so the chatter stopped almost immediately.

"As you might all know, our current Defense against the Dark Arts professor is… rather incapable to carry out her duties for the rest of this term, due to a rather untimely pregnancy from a certain Quiddich player. Therefore, Ms. Hermione Granger will replace her as the Defense against the Dark Arts professor for the rest of this school term."

Hermione smiled as the other staff politely applauded, except for Snape, who sputtered indignantly.

"What? HER!? B-but she's barely out of school! It has barely been six months since she was my student! No doubt she was brilliant, but be a professor at this age? No! It's just not right! She is clearly not suitable for this job!" He spat out as Hermione smiled at him amusedly.

"Severus, she has the highest marks in the whole country in the Defense against the Dark Arts field in the last century. They even exceed yours. Now calm down, it cannot be changed now. Let us enjoy our dessert."

And with his words, the supper disappeared and was replaced by… popsicles. Of every kind and flavour there is or ever was. They were frozen by a magic spell that was intact until the eating person touched his tongue upon the surface of the beautiful creation of the fast food cuisine.

"Rather a Freudian choice of dessert, wouldn't you say?" Ginny whispered in Hermione's ear, as the latter giggled.

Hermione picked up an orange flavoured Popsicle as Ginny picked a vanilla one, and noticed that Snape was looking upon the spectacle rather sourly.

"Why Severus, you aren't eating anything! I insist you have one! Which one would you like?" she smiled sweetly at him while offering the platter from across the table.

"He glared at her (A/N: his bestest glare ever!) and reluctantly muttered, clearly wanting to avoid anyone else hearing his preference: "Pink, please."

The whole table fell quiet as Hermione tried to hide her smile as she handled him a pink lollipop from the platter, but she didn't manage, and now was smiling with full-blown force. As was everyone else at the table. With the exception of McGonagall, who giggled. (A/N: yes, McGonagall giggled.) Snape shot them all his Glare of Death, and soon everyone else was back to their chattering.

Hermione caught Snape's eyes with her own and started sliding her foot up his pant leg, also sucking on the Popsicle. She stuck it in her throat as far as it would go (A/N: and didn't choke. Fancy that.) then slowly slid it out and twirled her tongue around the tip, then proceeding to lick the very base of it, slowly moving it upwards to the tip again. Then she started pumping it into her mouth again, surely enjoying the sensation, all that time, and never letting go of the Potion Master's eyes. Snape gulped audibly, the resonance of which sound was made possible mainly due to the sudden quiet that had fallen upon the Great Hall. The female part of the Hogwarts population, were giving Hermione the one-eyebrow-raise look that was saying "who the hell are you trying to seduce here?" while the males were too busy taking out their Freudian complexes on the Popsicles.

When Hermione's Popsicle was melted in her mouth and all that was left was the little stick, she traced her lips with her tongue, stroking the stick with her finger, and mouthed to Snape, "Enjoy the show?"

She then stood up, flashed a sweet smile to the whole table and then went back to her chambers, even more satisfied now then before dinner.

And Snape went to his personal bathroom. He had a… slight problem to take care of.


	3. suprise! shock! horror!

Birthday Present III

A/N: Oh, and seriously people, if you're gonna leave me reviews saying how people like me piss you off, sod off, will ya?

* * *

As Snape stormed out of the Great Hall and to the closest bathroom, he heard steps behind him, furtive, yet undoubtedly recognizable and wanted to be noticed.

"Miss Granger, will you stop..." he muttered as he turned around resignedly when they got to the dungeons, but he was stopped by her lips upon his. He was immediately dazed, but only momentarily so.

He pushed her off. "What was that little show in the Great Hall about? Think that'll get you what you want?"

"Not that you know what I want," she noted, looking down. "But by what I see, I've succeeded so far."

He himself was quite aware of the bulging appendage that was begging for some crucial attention. And soon.

"Just leave me alone." And he turned around, starting to walk away.

"Oh, but I can't, m'darling!"

Snape signed bitterly. "Your nymphetic tendencies are of no concern to me, and I am in no way obligated to act out any of the twisted fantasies that you are bound to have."

"As flattered as I am, it is a concern to me. The bracelet was one of the Weasleys' latest inventions. The wearer and the breaker are bound together by powerful magic – how the Weasleys managed to pull that off, I'll never know, -- until the prescribed action takes place." Hermione smiled sweetly as she saw the smug impression on Snape's face disappear and be replaced by one of fear. Or was it arousal?

"What?!"

"Why, Professor, never though I'd be saying this, but I thought your hearing was in order and I see no reason to repeat myself."

"B-b-b-but..."

She pushed the speech-less Severus down on the cold hard dungeon floor and straddled him. Interestingly enough, he did not struggle, but only looked at her with slightly glazed over eyes.

"B-b-b-but... I don't wanna..."

"Oh really, Snape? How long has it been since you've been touched by someone in a sexual way, voluntarily? A very long time, I bet. And if you really didn't want this, you'd be struggling, and not take it like... well, like you are right now?"

"Well, you just took me by surprise" he muttered, trying to keep his dignity, which was rather hard, as Hermione was slowly undressing both him and her, finally getting frustrated with the numerous buttons and performing an unclothing spell on them both.

"And yet you are still not showing any signs of disagreement" she breathed out as she started nibbling on his neck, slowly moving down to his navel, and then yet lower.

Then Snape blacked out.

Which didn't really stop Hermione from taking advantage of him. In every way she could think of.

Which really wasn't that inventive, for she was a witch with little imagination.

* * *

Snape woke up. Or rather he regained consciousness, but kept his eyes closed, for he did not want to give away the fact that was so.

He remembered the events from the previous night (or rather previous hours) quite vividly, but he hoped it was all a dream.

But then he felt a breeze around his tender area, and his eyes opened in horror.

Merlin knows how many hours he was laying there naked. On the dungeon floor. Where every Slytherin could walk by and see him. Every STUDENT, for that matter. The teachers were smart enough to avoid that part of the castle on any occasion.

However, as Snape calmed down enough to look around him, he saw Hermione, also naked, sleeping with her head on his chest.

Who then proceeded to wake up also and stare at him with adoring eyes.

Severus glared at her immensely, and then started looking around for his clothes. Which were nowhere to be seen. However, he did spot his wand, which he immediately recovered and conjured himself some robes.

As he finished putting them on, with Hermione still staring adoringly at him, he heard a clapping sound coming from behind him.

"Master!!" Hermione screamed as she ran up to the person hidden by the shadows who was clapping and holding a video camera (which now magically works), as she started hugging (aka humping) his knees.

As the blond emerged from the dark, Snape realized who it was, and fainted in horror.

Lucius Malfoy snorted (I mean, graciously chuckled and sneered) and noted, "You're quite prone to doing that, aren't you Snape, old buddy old pal?"


End file.
